I am not trying to rile anyone up. Its a legit question. Perhaps phrased too harshly. I was indeed a JW. I left at age 18. Although mentally I was gone before that.
I remember looking at "apostate" books at the book store in the mall. Pre-internet. I remember being about 16 or so and I had spent a good portion of the day in that bookstore. I already had doubts obviously but I remember vividly walking around the rest of that day in a sort of weird daze. Thinking, "wow, i'm not crazy. These people ARE wrong". In a way I felt vindicated but I also knew I had to go along to get along, at least for the next few years.
I understand the pressures and the guilt feeling, but I don't understand the willpower to avoid researching one of your core beliefs when its right there in the privacy of your own home with a few keystrokes.
People are really strange.